With English football over for another season, we’re taking a tongue-in-cheek look back at the PFA team of the year to discuss whether each player is truly deserving of their place.
David de Gea (GK)
The only reason de Gea has been included in the team of the year is because Man United’s defence was so shockingly bad in the first half of the season, that he faced many more shots than the average goalkeeper, and most of these shots were hit straight at him. This has led many to thinking that he’s a superior goalkeeper to the Belgian cohort of Courtois and Mignolet but they are gravely misinformed. Nonetheless, we wish David all the best at Real Madrid next season.
Branislav Ivanovic (RB)
I think we were all surprised when we saw this one announced. A Chelsea player? Making it into the team of the year? This is an outrage. Many argue that he’s been included for his goal-scoring threat as well as his defensive ability, but we’re not convinced seeing as he’s not even anywhere near double figures yet. It’s been a poor season for the lad and hopefully he’ll add more goals to his game soon.
John Terry (CB)
Another Chelsea player?! Even though Chelsea have conceded the fewest goals this season, he shouldn’t have made this team because he retired from England duty far too early and cost us the World Cup in Brazil. If he had partnered with Cahill then there’s no way Suarez or Balotelli would have terrorised us like they did. He put his club before his country and that is unforgivable.
Gary Cahill (CB)
This guy is in an elite category of footballers known as “does what it says on the tin”, alongside other legends such as James Milner and Gareth Barry. If you had to describe him in one word it would be a struggle, hence why we’re keeping this one short.
Ryan Bertand (LB)
Ryan who? May as well have been have been Dave from down the pub. Southampton have had a great defensive record this season but come on. Paul Konchesky has been absolutely robbed here. He’s been vital in Leicester’s survival and if I were him, I’d demand a recount of the votes (I bet Blatter had something to do with this).
Alexis Sanchez (MF)
This guy’s not had the greatest first season for Arsenal which is a shame, considering he was so successful at Barcelona. We’ve seen him give the ball away too much and struggle to get past players. Hopefully the Chilean will put in a bit more effort next season and find some form.
Nemanja Matic (MF)
Often seen at the spearhead of Chelsea’s formidable bus. Matic is brilliant at ensuring that not a single bit of entertaining football is played by either Chelsea or their opponents. Mourinho trusts him with the keys to park the bus week in and week out, and he does it brilliantly.
Philippe Coutinho (MF)
The magician has scored some absolute screamers this season but in terms of assists many were left wondering how players like Cesc Fabregas and David Silva were left out. We’re not too bothered by Fabregas’ absence though as there are already too many Chelsea players in this team by anyone’s standards.
Eden Hazard (MF)
Still trying to emulate his brother, the mighty Thorgan of Borussia Mönchengladbach, Eden has had another quiet season for the blues and he just doesn’t seem to be fitting in at Chelsea. After his spat with Mourihno last season, Eden is surely headed for the exit door after another season to forget for the Belgian.
Diego Costa (FW)
Similarly to Sanchez, it’s a shame Costa has struggled so much in his first season in England. He’s come up against many physical centre backs who are used to the league and hasn’t quite been able to cut it. However, what he’s done at his age is remarkable. The lad is likely to miss out on the Golden Boot this season but he’s a shining example to all OAPs that it’s never too late to become a professional footballer.
Harry Kane (FW)
The ‘hurriKane’ has taken the league by storm this season, scoring more goals for Spurs than Gareth Bale did in his best season for them. He is the only reason Spurs aren’t in the bottom half of the table. Let’s just hope that for England’s sake he’s not just a one-season-wonder like Darren Bent in 09/10, scoring a massive 24 goals before seemingly disappearing off the face of the planet since.
Disclaimer: The above is intended as a joke and not to be taken seriously. We are aware this is an incredible team.
BY - Owen Holland
4 June 2015